Good days...Day 8

Ok, If'n I'm going to blog about food, I'm going to have to get my camera to load on this computer or I may have to pick up a new camera. Mine is a bit old, bought in the UK. I'll give searching for the driver/disk one big push and then I'm moving on. I hope I find the driver I need because I don't like moving on from something that works very well in itself. These pics of late, taken with camera phone are dreadful, color wise esp. Trust me these Organic Strawberries are the best in Idaho. Grown by Prolife Richardson (yes that is his legal name) at his organic farm.

I'm still embracing real and doing pretty well with it. I do confess to havging bought one small bag of dirty potatoes (chips) at the co-op. They are under lock and key for a "bad" day emergency. Till then, I don't think I desire them. I purchased some baked salt and vinegar chips to try, for the occasionally salty craving. I didn't expect much from them and they live up to that, but they might do ok in a pinch, if I feel like eating 23 pieces of what tastes like paper sprayed with chemicals (not really, they aren't chemical) to resemble salt and vinegar, for 130 cals and 3 g fat. The good news is they are awful enough that one wouldn't want to over eat them. Anyway, I've gone about 13 days now without any "real" snack chips. Yay.

I'm hoping to make some of my favorite simple sweet scones tomorrow to go with these strawberries, They are picked ripe and won't make it more than 24 hours.

So that's me, I got outside tonight with a friend for drivethrough coffee and a visit to the co-op. It was really a good break for me. I'm so please to say that I'm still not at all interested in junk, or overeating, and still am having a good appetite for real food and the patience to cook new things that are healthy, from scratch.

Happy weekend all.

Day 7

I love this gnome, I wish he were mine. I have a gnome weakness.

I'm still keeping on keeping on. I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee last night, and as I was dragging I wondered how I'd enjoy it or have it be enjoyable for her, but then she had to cancel, so it worked out well. Since I was already dressed and showered, (as I told her when she cancelled, "but I even have a necklace on! and I shaved and everything)

In lieu of nice evening out with friend I went to the library to pick up some cookbooks, some vegetarian or veggie focused and other's on baking. Everyone on the food blogs seems to be doing or referring to this TWD thingy. (Tuesday with Dorie.) It's a bake-along as best I can tell, Apparently owners of her cookbook, bake the appointed recipe on Tuesday and then blog about it. They do such a fine job of raving about their end products that I had to take a gander at this book, so I got it from the library. It's called "Baking from my home to yours" By Dorie Greenspan. Not that my big interest in this real food quest is baking, but as I'm wanting to figure out some breakfast things, that could come in handy.

I can't remember where I left you...I've taken my iron and eaten well enough this past day. I also went to the grocery store after the library. With my low energy and stamina I have discovered one thing of late. Modern American grocery stores are taxing and overwhelming. I would much prefer to go to the small cozy, somewhat chaotic, Boise C0-Op (like a local answer to Whole foods, but in some way better, more personal) which is about 12 miles away in town. Not having either, I determined to limit myself to one end of the grocery store, the organic and healthfoody and produce end. I was pleased to find some peaches and other things that were organic on sale for less than the non-organic. I love it when that happens.

I have recently discovered I can get that similar "sane shopping" feeling by doing my basic purchases at what I call the "four stores." About four miles from here, we have an all year indoor veggie place, a place called "choice meats" which while it doesn't feature organic meat, it does have hormone and antibiotic free grain fed beef . There is also a great harvest bread company and a gluten free store. Though I am not on Gluten free, they carry milk in there (as well as chips I am avoiding of course, but nice to know) So in a nice little walk from store to store, I can manage to get most things I'd need for a healthy dinner. I guess I should acquaint myself with the Asian market a couple miles up the road from there, and then that might take care of any spice/sauce/oil emergencies as well. What I won't do not to go in a full size grocery store. Yes the little places are somewhat pricier, but they too have sales, and the way I see it, if I'm not in a "big" grocery store, I probably save money by not buying all the processed crud they carry. (Now I'm not sure I could get cheese on this run if I needed it. Note to self, see if Gluten free place carries any.) For Susie the night owl, the only less good point is they all close by 6pm.

Yesterday I was going to bed (in the am of course) and I was so hungry I couldn't sleep. I'd not yet made anything I could eat quick and easy and didn't want to have more of my tomato veggies right then or more bread, so I did something a bit less than cutting edge healthful, but oddly quickly satisfying. I whipped up some Idahoan brand instant mashed pots (mostly just dried dehydrated potatoes) opened a can of peas and had some more of my organic applesauce. I put all three next to each other in a pasta bowl and chowed down, pretending in the back of my mind that it was a "mock thanksgiving dinner." it hit the spot, wasn't loaded with fat or preservatives and I was able to sleep.

Last night before going to bed, I enjoyed a snack of one 1/4 of a celery stem spread with almond butter. Yum.

I'm going to pass on my absolute favorite Blondie Recipe, not healthy food, but not "unhealthy" in moderation either and it's quick and easy. Instead of using all butterscotch chips in the 3/4 cup it calls for, I use about half of the volume in butterscotch and then add some other chips, usually white and then a 70 percent cacao dark chocolate bar cut into pieces for a total of 3/4 chips as called for. I've thought of leaving off the butterscotch all together but that is I think what flavors the blondies. I also throw in two small handfuls of chopped walnuts. It's rich enough for one piece being more than filling and not leaving me wanting to eat the whole pan. I find that mine need to be in the oven for the exact time called for, no more or less. They will look still a bit soft but that is what makes them chewy. I'm looking forward to trying all sorts of adulterations on this, maybe doing it with different nuts, maybe some heath par pieces, maybe some dried fruit even.

I bought all sorts of things at the store last night, so we'll see what the next two days brings buy way of discovering the universe of real food.

It's not all bad news...

Well, the day ended on a better note. Glenn was out running a mission of mercy and called me on his way back home offering to pick up some type of carryout. I was only briefly tempted and then said no. Instead, I cooked the fresh green beans into a favorite dish of green beans with tomatoes, accompanied by two slices of fresh bread with butter. It was a much more satisfying dinner than anything he could have brought home. I'm glad I made the effort. (It's not pink looking like in the picture) It's a recipe I got off some Italians I used to know. It is a simple dish that lets the flavor of the veggies shine through, containing only Olive Oil, Garlic, Green Beans, Canned Tomatoes and salt. It should be even tastier tomorrow.

I think in light of the past day's set backs, I need to work at cooking a couple days ahead in the evening, so I am not caught short, with nothing simple when I feel the worst. I also want to figure out some kind of cold beverage other than water, which I drink lots of already. I'd like something without caffeine. If sugar is added I'd like it still to be healthier than soda. I'm thinking maybe some kind of iced green or white tea with a little sugar or honey? If anyone has something to suggest let me know.

Becca (my daughter) asked me why I felt I could give up chips, knowing how I enjoy them. I said, I didn't know, maybe I just got bored? Maybe I ate my life's maximum allowable total? I seriously feel like some bizarre switch has been thrown that took away my interest in them. Yes, I have prayed for some aid in this matter of eating well, and that could be it, but I expect I've prayed before and not come to this result.

I have long noted that my "taste" changed when I lived in Scotland. I went off sweets almost completely. No chocolate, no desserts. I thought at the time that it was because the "sweets" in the UK seemed so excessively sweet, over the top sugary, toffee-ish sweetness. A physical therapist friend suggested it could be my physical change because of exercise and weight lifting. Has anyone else noted that at various seasons of their life, particularly related to menopausal changes, that they have gone from prefering sweet to salty or starchy?


I've often thought it was the excerise and local oversweetness in the Uk combined but perhaps also a change in hormones? Given that chocolate affects neurotransmitters and brain chemistry, perhaps it was a change of " mind" literally. They say some people "self medicate" with chocolate because it boosts seritonin. Who knows, maybe in Scotland my seritonin was boosted by the walking and fresh air?


Now it's a few hours since Becca asked and I think I've figured out in part why I wanted to do something different with my eating and cooking, I think it's because I'm so unable to "fix" what ails me with the fatigue and long periods etc, that this is one small thing I CAN do, it's about the only thing I can do, that and pray and use my down (as in laying down/sitting down) time as best I can. Being like this causes one to see energy like tokens one gets to spend, and when they are gone, they are gone, and they don't get replenished quickly. Spending decisions have to be made. At least with eating well, and effort for cooking, it's not energy out only, but also, hopefully, energy and future health IN.


I don't know how long the decreased desire for salty treats will last, though I suspect that chip loving is something that "feeds" itself...ie the more you eat the more you want. So perhaps just not having them here for weak moments (like I had during the night and early am) will do the trick. I know that when I feel really cruddy, and when I wake up feeling that way, especially from a nap or a restless night, I want crunchy salty goodness. Oh, just saying that makes me go weak in the knees. I may need a healthy substitute. (Maybe some of those frozen coconut pops at the co-op?) though that doesn't sub for salty, but it might work if I wake with annoying allergies or itchiness or sinus. Idea's always welcome. Still trying to figure out the perfect breakfast treat for with coffee. Meanwhile I should make some of Becca's fabu granola. She uses Ina Garten's recipe. It's not quite the texture or experience I'm looking for, I'm wanting something like a breakfast cookie (-: but not as hard as a biscotti, or a small danishy thing. Haven't ruled out the rugelach, just haven't gotten out to buy ingredients. I like the fact Rugelach is highly versatile ie I can do apricot or nut or chocolate chip etc.

On another front...Is it just me or when you buy potatoes in the bags vs loose, do they seem to go bad much quicker than the one's you pick individually? The price is like half or better of the loose but if they are wasted or rot it's not a value for us. (In our case we don't eat them that fast anyway so the singles are probably best but I'd like to know if anyone else has noticed this)

I know the picture will put normal folk off wanting to make the green beans above, but I'll put the recipe here just in case.

Susan and Rebecca's Italian Green Beans

1lb or 2 of fresh green beans boiled or steamed
28 oz can of whole tomatoes, crushed or pureed in food processor
1/4 tsp salt.
olive oil
1 clove of garlic, sliced

As many fresh green beans as you want to eat. I'd say I bought about a pound but have bought as few as three or four handfuls. It's up to you.

Pour a little olive oil in the bottom of a pan, not enough to cover, just a hand size circle.
slice a garlic clove and saute it in the oil being careful not to burn or brown, it goes quickly. If it burns start over, it will flavor your oil badly.

Add to that one 28 oz can of whole tomatoes which you have run through a food processor or broken tiny by hand or cut with a pastry blender or what have you. You don't want big chunks.
Add in 1/4 tsp salt.

Saute these together on simmer for about 20-30 mins, until the liquid starts to condense out.

Meanwhile boil water or get your veggie steamer out, and cook the green beans until they are tender (I like mine pretty soft but not squishy, about the texture of pasta) After your sauce has cooked down some, and your green beans are cooked to your desire, drain green beans and toss them into the tomato sauce. Heat together to coat. Serve with nice crunchy bread for dipping.
More flavorful the second day. If you find the tomatoes bitter or green beans to be less than great tasting (cause they turned out to be not such great fresh beans) you can add just a tsp or so of sugar to balance the flavor, but don't overdo.

Is My Turkey Cooked?

Is my "turkey" cooked?
(Ok I know it's usually goose but for consistency purposes I'll take liberties)


No I've not consumed the evil potato chip, though I did fantasize about running to the co-op (our stand in for a whole foods, but better) and buying a bag of my favs. (Ironic that my "dealer" is the health food store)

I was barely hanging on yesterday, having a can of "reduced fat" corned beef hash (thanks Laura for the idea) for dinner. Not exactly "real" though surprising the label had only recognisable ingredients on it and a reasonably short list. Anyway, at that point, I'd not been up to getting out yet for shopping and we are low of anything natural in the house. (I did eat a peach mid afternoon. I didn't know peaches could be so tart!!!) so the whole planning and executing thing is in disarray. Poor Glenn, who can usually be talked into going to the grocery store has been extra busy and I think was hoping if we run out of food I'll find the energy to go. Not happening yet.

So I took a Lunesta at bedtime, WARNING:those things can give you the munchies something fierce. When I woke up middle of the night I was starving (or so I thought) and I managed to tear open the package of "emergency candy stand in" (that being some kind of chocolate covered peanut butter granola bar) and I polished off three. (they were really small, could barely see them with a magnifier, had I been trying) They weren't terribly satisfying and they may account for my having a migraine now at 9pm. Oh and I forgot to take my iron yesterday. The black hole deepens and the vortex therein would swirl if it had any energy.

Slept Lord knows how long starting last night at 9pm-ish...had headache late this afternoon, laid down because of that, woke up with full blown migraine and now, have had nothing but half a cup of coffee and those granola thingies...oh, and I remember now, I ate a few handfuls of tortilla chips. Drat.

All I can do is pray that God will give me the strength and lack of headache tomorrow to go get healthful foods laid in for times such as last night. Meanwhile I'm left with pretty much some uncooked green beans (too much work) and some applesauce (at least it's organic) I can polish off in my woe. I guess I could hit up the canned veggies as well...it's something, and it ain't potato chips or candy bars or pretend candy bars.

Pray for your pal, I want to keep pressing on, and the only cooked turkey I want is in the pan!

I'm a dingdong...

To put the below brick wall post in perspective (for myself) I note that I haven't been taking my iron supplements. It took a month of faithful taking to get me to Maryland and while there I didn't take it because it's so hard to take (tears up your stomach and causes all sorts of digestive nastiness) and then when I got back I had a flu of some type and and and...so step one, take IRON!!!

Wall...and it's not even 1 p.m

So I blog and have coffee and listen to a sermon and check email/facebook, and have a chat with Glenn, and look for recipe's for tonight or soon, and then viola, I've been awake 6 hours and I'm exhausted. This is my life of late, my life for so long now I can't remember when it was different. I think it must have been a prominent feature when I last marched into my doctor's office and insisted on blood work, when was that...February.


Everyone who is on facebook knows that the outcome of said visit was that I am pretty seriously anemic as well as vitamin D deficient. (From what I hear a huge no. of us are the latter) But should this equal crushing fatigue? I'm not depressed. I've been depressed before, and I know what that looks and feels like and I hate that when one is this in need of rest that others (including doctors) are likely to look at you and assume you must be depressed and that that is why you feel tired. I wouldn't mind being depressed but saying that or thinking that isn't going to get me solutions to why I really have zero energy or stamina, energy or stamina I used to have.

So...long story short, I have this morning, I make these plans and then I think about the next step, getting a shower and going to the store (the co-op 12 miles away) and getting said ingredients and then cooking a nice dinner for us. And it hits me that I don't even have it in me to take the shower much less go to the co-op. So I think, take a shower and then rest up, but no, that is too much. So I decide to rest up first. And I am not really thinking I'm sleepy, just exhausted, do you get the difference between those? Is there one? Am I nuts?

Now I know, that I have at least three things that could be causing exhaustion/fatigue. 1. Medication I take that is notorious for such. 2. Anemia 3. Chiari 1 Malformation I was diagnosed with in my early 20's but told doesn't cause any problems. I know that the supposidly simple answer is to get thee to a nunnery, um doctor. But my confidence in such is only so good, and one I have even "only so good" confidence in hasn't appeared in Boise yet. I'm thinking Internist or even Hematologist to figure out how to get the anemia truly fixed. We'll see...for now, that isn't getting dinner made.

So my bubble is a bit burst...all these good intentions, and thoughts about eating right and well, without the wherewithall (sp?) to manage them. Do I have a plan B? I have some green beans in he fridge waiting to be cooked, how much work does that take? I was going to cook them my italian way...but in a pinch I could probably talk Glenn into cooking them his way if I cut the ends off and get them ready. That however won't be dinner for the guys.

Right now, I'm living my life from nap to nap to small pocket of energy, I keep thinking get past this nap and then I'll have energy to do the next thing, but sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. If I get the energy to go to the store, I don't have it to bring in the shopping, if I have the energy to bring in the shopping I don't have it to do the cooking. I don't want to be a burden to Glenn, even though he wouldn't act like I was. Please pray I can at least continue to spy any area's where I do have strength and vigor to be a tiny domestic help, I am trying to do all I can, when I can, but it's not much. I have friends going through Chemo who can do more than I can...what if I'm just lazy? No, I know I'm not, well I am in some respects, but not like this...I don't have the energy to do even what I desire to do, to enjoy things, to enjoy people. Sometimes I want to read and I have to lay my book aside because I'm done in and need to rest. This isn't me, at least I don't think it is. Prayers appreciated, will blog on food later, if there is any.

Day 4, yes it's still Monday

Don't listen to the date/days on this. I started my efforts on Friday..it's a long story but trust me, it's day 4 today, Monday.

I feel like I could be carrying a sign that says "Will work for food." Well that's only right as the Bible says if a man will not work he shall not eat. So now, on this new adventure to find my way out of old patterns of eating into new one's, I feel like I wake up each day and start working on the meal planning. Now yes, I have been able to do that way ahead in my 26 plus years of domesticity, but I'm trying to cook new things now, things that will interest and not bore my palate. I've been wanting something like orange chicken and I don't mean that coated to death deep fried stuff they sell at Panda. There has got to be a way I figure, to make some healthed up version of that, without the heavy coating and yet with heaps of flavor, sauted in a pan. That's my mission this morning, find a good orange chicken recipe and get crackin. (and to the store to buy the ingredients. ) I'll let you know how it goes.