Wall...and it's not even 1 p.m

So I blog and have coffee and listen to a sermon and check email/facebook, and have a chat with Glenn, and look for recipe's for tonight or soon, and then viola, I've been awake 6 hours and I'm exhausted. This is my life of late, my life for so long now I can't remember when it was different. I think it must have been a prominent feature when I last marched into my doctor's office and insisted on blood work, when was that...February.


Everyone who is on facebook knows that the outcome of said visit was that I am pretty seriously anemic as well as vitamin D deficient. (From what I hear a huge no. of us are the latter) But should this equal crushing fatigue? I'm not depressed. I've been depressed before, and I know what that looks and feels like and I hate that when one is this in need of rest that others (including doctors) are likely to look at you and assume you must be depressed and that that is why you feel tired. I wouldn't mind being depressed but saying that or thinking that isn't going to get me solutions to why I really have zero energy or stamina, energy or stamina I used to have.

So...long story short, I have this morning, I make these plans and then I think about the next step, getting a shower and going to the store (the co-op 12 miles away) and getting said ingredients and then cooking a nice dinner for us. And it hits me that I don't even have it in me to take the shower much less go to the co-op. So I think, take a shower and then rest up, but no, that is too much. So I decide to rest up first. And I am not really thinking I'm sleepy, just exhausted, do you get the difference between those? Is there one? Am I nuts?

Now I know, that I have at least three things that could be causing exhaustion/fatigue. 1. Medication I take that is notorious for such. 2. Anemia 3. Chiari 1 Malformation I was diagnosed with in my early 20's but told doesn't cause any problems. I know that the supposidly simple answer is to get thee to a nunnery, um doctor. But my confidence in such is only so good, and one I have even "only so good" confidence in hasn't appeared in Boise yet. I'm thinking Internist or even Hematologist to figure out how to get the anemia truly fixed. We'll see...for now, that isn't getting dinner made.

So my bubble is a bit burst...all these good intentions, and thoughts about eating right and well, without the wherewithall (sp?) to manage them. Do I have a plan B? I have some green beans in he fridge waiting to be cooked, how much work does that take? I was going to cook them my italian way...but in a pinch I could probably talk Glenn into cooking them his way if I cut the ends off and get them ready. That however won't be dinner for the guys.

Right now, I'm living my life from nap to nap to small pocket of energy, I keep thinking get past this nap and then I'll have energy to do the next thing, but sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. If I get the energy to go to the store, I don't have it to bring in the shopping, if I have the energy to bring in the shopping I don't have it to do the cooking. I don't want to be a burden to Glenn, even though he wouldn't act like I was. Please pray I can at least continue to spy any area's where I do have strength and vigor to be a tiny domestic help, I am trying to do all I can, when I can, but it's not much. I have friends going through Chemo who can do more than I can...what if I'm just lazy? No, I know I'm not, well I am in some respects, but not like this...I don't have the energy to do even what I desire to do, to enjoy things, to enjoy people. Sometimes I want to read and I have to lay my book aside because I'm done in and need to rest. This isn't me, at least I don't think it is. Prayers appreciated, will blog on food later, if there is any.